Maryland’s New State Anthem

To:     Governor Larry Hogan & The General Assembly of Maryland

Perhaps it is time to replace the Maryland state anthem — you know, the Rebel marching song from 1861 that beseeches Marylanders to “spurn the northern scum” and thereby follow Virginia’s example on the whole secession question — with something else altogether.  Something much more uplifting, celebratory, and inclusive.  That doesn’t also do double duty as a Christmas carol.

To that end, Zero to 180 – as a public service – would like to offer the following song as a replacement for “Maryland, My Maryland“:

“Maryland”     The Crazy Five     1973

With lyrics that everyone can get behind, and a singalong chorus that no Marylander can resist, who cares that “Marylandnever enjoyed release beyond Germany’s borders?  “Maryland, My Maryland” is likewise German, and besides, we are a nation of immigrants.  Borrowing from other cultures is an American pastime.

Crazy Five 45-aaCrazy Five‘s relative obscurity and limited output (i.e., one 45) means a good deal for the taxpayers and a modest investment, ultimately, in civic pride.  Tess Teiges and Walt Wister, the songwriting team behind “Maryland,” have been out of the music scene since 1975 — I suspect both would be grateful for the income and happy to negotiate a fair and reasonable sum for all parties involved.

Crazy Five 45-bb

Tony Horwitz, whose Confederates in the Attic, helped inspire this piece, was kind enough to share his response to this proposal for Maryland’s new state song in September of 2016:

Chris, thanks for your note, and I like your suggestion viz state song.  Have to say, having since lived in Virginia and Massachusetts where state identity runs very strong, Maryland is challenged in that respect, since it’s such a pastiche of disparate parts and belongs to the dreaded “mid-Atlantic” doesn’t have a clear regional identity either.  State pride’s never been my thing, and I like that Maryland has become fairly representative of our diverse nation at large, perhaps it’s individuality could be to choose to not have a state song at all!

“Maryland, My Maryland”:  Retain or Retire?

Should the Maryland legislature — as Maryland State Senator Cheryl Kagan and the Washington Post editorial board insist — return “Maryland, My Maryland” (written in 1861, but only designated the official state song in 1939) to the history from whence it came?  Or, would that be a well-intended exercise in historical revisionism and — as Governor Hogan would assert — “political correctness run amok“?

Three out of four Civil War monuments in Baltimore, as Marc Steiner points out, honor the Confederacy.  Baltimore’s violent (and murderous) response to the sight of federal troops disembarking by rail on Pratt Street en route to the Federal City, it is worth noting, took place just one week after the Confederate bombardment of Fort Sumter.  Maryland stayed on the side of the Union, but only because President Lincoln ensured that outcome, yes?   Bethesda, Maryland’s William Safire – in his 1984 essay, “Patriotic Gore,” for the New York Times – mocks those who would want to deny the state’s anti-Union, pro-slavery past.

Please contact Zero to 180 if you have the historical bona fides to answer this question:   Does “Maryland, My Maryland” reflect the sentiments of a majority of the state’s residents 150 years ago when Americans took up arms against each other?

“Pogo in Togo”: Circus Punk

A doff of the cap to Tom Hutton, who brought over all his Eastern European records and cassette tapes one day so we could put together a special mix of Balkan-related rock and pop.  One of the humorous highlights on this compilation is “Pogo in Togo” by German pop punksters, United Balls, from 1981:

“Pogo in Togo”     United Balls     1981

This video would later be banned by Ringling Brothers/Barnum & Bailey. (which today celebrated its six millionth submission!) tells me that the song began life, interestingly enough, as a B-side on its one and only RCA single before the band would subsequently feature it as an A-side on the (slightly less prestigious) Jupiter label.  United Balls would then get signed to Virgin, where the band would release one album and at least four singles before saying Auf Wiedersehen.

United Balls 45aGerman funk-metal parodists, J.B.O., would update the song as “Dio in Rio” for their 2007 album, I Don’t Like Metal – I Love It!:

“Dio in Rio”     J.B.O.     2007

Funny lyrics – particularly if you know your German geography (can’t say that I do):

Kid Rock in Rostock
Queen in Wien
Biohazard im Spessart
Aber Dio in Rio

Slayer in Marbella
Dio in Rio
Jethro Tull in Schwäbisch Hall

Nirvana in Ghana
Pink Floyd in Bayreuth
Van Halen in Aalen
Iron Maiden in Schwejden

Beastie Boys in Neuss
Dio in Rio
Motörhead in Norderstedt
Korn in Paderborn

Dio in Rio
Led Zeppelin in Eppelheim
Thin Lizzy in Brindisi
Dio in Rio
Pantera in Gera
Winger in Minga
Nickelback in Scheißndreck!

“Bin Wieder Frei”: Unrelenting Verbal Onslaught

The unrelenting verbal onslaught of 1978’s “Bin Wieder Frei” by German heartthrob, Benny, immediately made me think of Joey Levine’s famous feat of rapid-fire elocution from 1974, “Life is a Rock” (But the Radio Rolled Me) – which later helped inspire REM’s “End of the World (As We Know It)” and Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire:

“Bin Wieder Frei”     Benny     1978

I think it’s fair to say that Bob Dylan helped open the door for this sort of lyrical bombardment with the release of his landmark 1965 single, “Subterranean Homesick Blues,” especially its iconic promotional video with Dylan himself holding oversized flash cards of the song’s key lyrics.  But who before Dylan dazzled listeners with similar demonstrations of verbal dexterity at breakneck speeds?

Bin Wieder Frei 45 sleeve